Oh Bloody Lela!!

So I was having a particularly bad day one day so I texted Kim.  I'm sure not everyone will find this entertaining, but we were laughing the whole time and it definitely made me feel better.  This was our conversation:

Me: I feel a spree coming on.  It's either a shopping one or a killing one, it's too early to tell.

Kim: Well I'll keep an eye on the news in case it's a killing spree.

Me: Yeah but don't tell on me!!! I mean sometimes I shouldn't be held responsible for going crazy.

Kim: I won't snitch ubt I'll get to follow your progress.

Me: True.  See what kind of mistakes I make so you have a better chance of getting off when you go on a killing spree.

Kim: Yeah it's research.  :)

Me: Well I'm totally okay with that.  If my mistakes help make things easier for you I'm all for it.

Kim: Sounds good to me, but don't get caught too quickly.  I'd like to watch for a while.  Entertainment is hard to come by.

Me: I have on real plans of being caught.  But I'll try to make it at least an hour long show for you.

Kim:  Thats good.  I'll record it so I can watch it over and over.

Me: I'll come up with some sort of gang sign or facial expression so when you see me you know I'm talking to you, but everyone else will just think I'm crazy.  It'll mean something like "this ones for you kid."

Kim:  LOL can't wait to see it!

Me: I'll come up with something good.  Maybe I'll dress like Bonnie from Bonnie and Clyde. All old school bank robber/mob member.

Kim:  That's a great idea and you can buy a tommy gun.

Me: Yes!!! Then the government will be like "what were we  thinking giving her a concealed handgun license???"

Kim: Yeah, that would show them!

Me: They are probably going to regret that one day.

Kim: Yeah and then they'll talk about it on the news for two months until we're like enough already!

Me: So I'll be Famous!!!

Kim: Yep, everyone will know your name forever.

Me: I'm pretty sure they already do.

Kim: Not the entire country.  And you'll be on national news.  Not to mention there will probably be an urban legend about you for years.  People saying "don't do that or crazy Lela will come get you!"

Me: Oooh now that sounds promising.  Although I think I've heard something along those lines alread.

Kim: But this time it'll be nationwide!

Me: hmmm.. this is an intriguing idea.

Kim: You'd be like the donky lady.

Me: I don't want to be thought of as the donky lady.

Kim: You wouldn't actually be the donky lady, just famous. There are donky lady legends everywhere.

Me: Hmmm... well maybe I'lld be known as a modern day Bonnie...  or bloody Mary.

Kim: Ahhh Bloody Lela sounds right.

Me:  Yep, it fits.  PLus it sounds like you're mad and British.  Instead of Bloody Hell you would be all "Bloody LELA!!!"

Kim: Yeah... I like it.  I'll say it when I stub my toe or something.  But don't say it in the dark in front of a mirror.

Me: yeah definitle not!  I might come haunt you or kill you.  You never know.

Kim: Absolutely.  You know I don't think you'd kill me if I called you in the mirror.  We'd probably just hang out and watch clueless. 

Me:  That's true.  I couldn't kill you.  I mean you helped me with all this!! I'd probably just scare you and then be like lets drink big red and watch a movie.

Kim: Yeah then you wouldn't have to drive here. I could just call you in the mirror whenever I got bored.

Me: that'd be fun! we need to figure out how to make that happen.

Kim: Totally.  I'd call you at weird hours and you'll be sleeping and suddenly be here and I'll be like hey get up and watch movies with me.

Me: Then I'd be all I'm tired but okay where's the big red and the popcorn?  But then I'd hear my name being called by teenagers and I'd be like "BLOODY LELA, can't anyone watch a movie in peace? Hit pause, and call me back here in 5 minutes I gotta go scare these dumbasses."