Friday, December 14, 2012

"the talk" got to love my sister WARNING: contains explicit info may not be suitable for children

I absolutely adore my little sister Loren.  Well I adore all my little sisters but Loren and I have the best conversations when we are bored or even when we aren't bored.  They definitely keep us laughing the whole time. So since this talk had me laughing so hard (and still does) I thought I'd share with everyone else.  :)

Not too long ago she was telling me that she wasn't feeling well and having a hard time keeping food down and what not so I asked her if she was pregnant. This then resulted in her giving me "the talk."

Me: Are you pregnant?!?

Loren: Nope! That's gross... Sex is gross.  Haha jk I'm a sex addict but no I am not.

Me: I don't know what sex is. haha

Loren: It's when a mommy and a daddy love each other so much that the daddy decides to abuse mommy with his magical stick.  Mommy likes daddy's magical stick.  Sometimes mommy can't control her magical muffin so sometimes mammas magical muffin attacks daddy's magical stick.  If daddy's magical stick sneezes on mommas muffin there is a chance that 9 months later for the stupid crack head stork to drop off a baby.  That's how it works.

I loved this version of "the talk" so much that I gave it to my 13 year old not too long ago.  (He is fully aware of how sex really works and how crazy his Aunt Loren is especially when you put me and her in the same room).   His only response was to shake his head and tell me "I think I'm traumatized for life and may need counseling soon.  Please do not give that talk to me again."  LOL  Now I threaten to give him the talk all the time.