Friday, May 10, 2013

The things you learn from your kids... and then turn them into dirty conversations with friends

On one of the many road trips the kid and I have taken he just randomly throws out there "Fleas have two pee pees."  Intersting, I never knew this.  so of course because now that I DO know this information I had to share it with my friend. We only ran off with this conversation into a little bit of dirtyness, but honestly who wouldn't?

Me: Fleas have two pee pees.

Kim: Do they?

Me: Yep, that's a fact I have learned.

Kim: Why do you think they need two?

Me: Maybe so they can have threesomes?  (really if it's two pee pees would it work that way? hmmm)

Kim: Hmm... I don't see any other reason.  You could probably pee a lot faster too.  They don't have to spend as much time emptying their bladdes.

Me:  Maybe so they can empty their bladders and have sex at the same time?

Kim:  Eww! that would be so gross!

Me: SQL!!! I know!!!  I'm glad guys don't have two penis's!!!

Kim: Me too!! that would be really weird.  where would they put the second one?  Maybe their belly

Me:  That would be awkward.  OMG, could both get off?

Kim: They'd need an extra set of balls.

Me: unless both are somehow connected to the same balls

Kim:  They'd at least need some rewiring.  Maybe it would be like those two headed snakes or something

Me: Maybe.  Then they would have a mind of their own.  it could work out for us women.  If one finishes before we do there is always a back up one.

Kim: HAHAHA yeah tht sounds like it could work out.  If we could stop laughing at it long enough to do anything.

Me: Right?!?! or being grossed out by it rubbing on our stomachs during sex...

P.S. SQL stands for snickering quite loudly this shal catch on!
P.P.S I'm aware that I'm the one that turned it into something dirty...  I may have a problem...  or not.  :)

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Slim Shady, supports gays, and fishes for nerds... the actions of teens

My son is definitely the class clown.  The stuff he says in class I just have no idea how to respond to it.  As long as I don't get a call from the school I guess we are good. 

This week Zach has come home and done/said the following:

Zach: Mom, I was standing up in class and my teacher asked why I was standing up, I responded with "I'm the real Slim Shady.   But really I just had to get a dictionary."   

Zach:  Mom, I was talking with Jordan about how I don't understand why people are making such a big deal about guys marrying guys. Jordan was like "you mean you support gay marriage?!" and I told him "well think about it, if guys are marrying guys, then that means there are a lot more babes for us!"  Then Jordan told me "Zach, I think you just got me to support gay marriage in one sentence." 

Zach: (after tying a piece of string to a pencil and throwing it on my friend) I'm trying to catch a nerd, this is nerd bait.

SMH,  I have nothing to say to any of this other than to laugh.  And I have no  idea where my sons thought process on gay marriage came from since his father isn't in the picture to teach him it's all about babes.   Some things he says I know he gets from T.V., but these statements I can't even say they were from T.V. (unless someone knows a show I don't).   At least the kid is good for a few laughs!  :)